Tag Archive for: trauma therapy

The Need for Certainty

How do I know if I am making the right decision? How do I know if I am on the right path?

Certainty. We all have this need. If you use the chakra system, it’s part of our first chakra; or if you like Maslow more, it is part of our basic needs: safety, security, the need to belong. Steiner also talks about this. Between the ages of 0 and 7 is when we learn that our world is safe and that we can depend on our caregivers. 

This has also been explored at length by the attachment theory. Developmental psychologist Mary Ainsworth, whose work has been instrumental in developing the attachment theory says that: “An infant whose mother’s responsiveness helps him to achieve his ends develops confidence in his own ability to control what happens to him.” (Note: the quote does say ‘mother’, but it really refers to the main caregiver.)

The “ability to control what happens to him” is what we define as having a sense of agency. When that doesn’t happen, the lesson we learn is that we are not enough and that our needs don’t matter. 

As adults, in our need for certainty and safety, we try to avoid pain. We think that if we can control our environment, our every step, we are able to do that. In reality, trying to control everything not only comes from pain, but it is also causing more suffering because it keep us from finding another way, a better way to live our lives.

So we want to see the whole path ahead of us until the end, before we make a decision, to know whether it is the right thing to do. Well, even if that can be possible on paper – s.a. I go to school, I get a job, I pay my loans etc – this path is rarely a straight line. 

So, what do we do then? Do we get stuck in calculating every possible outcome? Do we get stuck because we can’t see the end result? Or do we just take one step, as uncomfortable and uncertain as it may be? 

I took the picture above one morning and it made me think that Mother Nature always has a metaphor for us. Certainty is like walking or driving in the fog: you can’t see all the way until the end of the street, but it’s always clear a step ahead of you. And as soon as you take another step, another one unfolds. 

I found this poem the other day and I think it fits this topic perfectly:

“My grandmother once gave me a tip:
In difficult times, move forward in small steps.
Do what you have to do, but little by little.
Don’t think about the future or what may happen tomorrow.

Wash the dishes.
Remove the dust.
Write a letter.
Make a soup.

You see?

Advance step by step.
Take a step and stop.
Rest a little.
Praise yourself.
Take another step.
And then another.

You won’t notice, but your steps will grow more and more.
And the time will come when you can think about the future without crying.”

Author: Elena Mikhalkova 

That one step at a time is the sense of agency we are talking about in trauma recovery. You might not be able to control everything, but you are able to control this next step. So if you are looking for certainty, that relies in taking the first step.

/by

What’s the greatest expression of myself that I can be today?

I was listening to an interview with Joe Dispenza and he mentioned this question in one of his answers. I loved it! Read it again and see how it feels in your body. Do your shoulders move forward as a sign of protection, or do you feel yourself standing up straight? Does it feel like a sigh of relief or more pressure?

For me, it feels like a release. Like a permission that I can give myself to release the pressure of all the “should’s” that my mind comes up with. 

In tough moments like the recent events in the U.S., we might feel like we don’t know what to do; and maybe we feel like we “should” be doing something. 

While action is certainly needed, not knowing what the “right” action and what the effect is long term can be daunting. So, the invitation is to go back to this question and ask yourself (and myself included): 

“What is the greatest expression of myself that I can be today?

Then we can look at putting one foot in front of the other, and start there. Step by step, and eventually the whole road will appear ahead of us. 

But for now, let’s go with the highest expression and with today. That means that we are doing our best and there is no need for “should’s”, pressure, attachment, or judgment. And tomorrow is another day.

/by

Have you ever been called “sensitive”?

Connection with water.jpg

Years ago someone called me an empath. I was like “what is that?!” Back then, it wasn’t a mainstream term. Even as I am typing this, my computer still insists on automatically changing “empath” to “empathy”. All I could find at the time was that an empath was a sensitive person. OK, I had been told I was “sensitive” and “too sensitive” since I can remember…so? Then I learned that an empath was someone who could easily feel other people’s emotions. Ohhhh…

For a while, I felt special and validated that someone called me an empath. All those times when I felt bad about being called sensitive like it was a bad thing. Now look at me, I could feel someone else’s feelings, sometimes before they could even make sense of them themselves. How do you like me now? I thought. But it’s not all as glamorous as it seems to be. 

Empaths make really good teachers, nurses, therapists…you get the idea, the caregiver type. So what do caregivers usually do? They take care of everyone else, put the needs of others first, take on everyone else’s problems, sometimes to the point of burning out. 

My husband asked me the other day whether someone is born an empath. As much as I would like to give the credit to the Universe for this ability, most empaths – and I say most because I don’t like to generalize although my personal belief is that this is true for all empaths – have suffered trauma, especially childhood trauma.

When you experience trauma at a young age, your survival depends on your ability to stay safe. For that to happen you learn to recognize very quickly any sign of danger. Your brain is constantly scanning for any deviation from the baseline: a change in the caregiver’s tone of voice, how heavy the footsteps are, how fast someone is walking, what words they say or not say, any movement in their eyes or whether someone speaks or not etc. That’s how you decide how to respond to the situation in a way that ensures your safety.

Just like any other skill, after years of practice, you become really good at it. And you take this skill with you into adulthood. People will come to you to tell you their life’s story or to get advice. Also, you might draw narcissists into your life because…well, darkness cannot exist without light.

If you think or know that you are an empath, then you probably also like being close to the water. Water purifies and clears the extra energy that you carry. If you don’t live close to a beach (and let’s face it most of us don’t) then I recommend showers to release the stress and energy you don’t need. Place your hands on the ground. Walk barefoot outside. Hug a tree (c’mon it’s a thing now, no one will make fun of you!) Spend time in nature or with animals. Watch movies that make you laugh.

In a word, take care of yourself first.

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

/by

Study: Trauma Center Trauma-Sensitive Yoga as effective as CPT for PTSD

TCTSY article.png

Some people hear yoga and they think “ugh, that’s for fit people who are super flexible and can sit still to meditate. I can’t do any of those!” Some have maybe attended classes which were labeled trauma-sensitive yoga only to feel triggered and not safe. Or maybe you were one of the people who at some point thought, how can yoga help, it’s not therapy?! To all of that, let me say 3 things: 1) yoga is for everyone; 2) not all classes and practitioners are the same, so find the right one for you and 3) trauma-sensitive yoga is an evidence-based, adjunct treatment for PTSD, meaning it is an alternative or complementary treatment to therapy. 

Before I share a recent article which was published by Emory University regarding TCTSY (trauma center trauma-sensitive yoga), let me say this: Hi, I am Simona and I have suffered from PTSD. I have used (and have been using) TCTSY not only for my clients, but also with myself. How did it help me?

  • I regained a sense of power and agency and I don’t feel helpless anymore.

  • I know that when I am triggered that it is only temporary and that I have the tools to stay present. 

  • I sleep better.

  • I feel safer and am no longer afraid of the “other shoe dropping”.

  • I am still aware of my surroundings but no longer hypervigilent.

  • I can respond to situations instead of reacting. 

Now here’s something that just came out this week and I am happy to share with you. As a certified trauma-sensitive yoga facilitator (TCTSY-F) who works with veterans with PTSD, I am glad to see this method not only highlighted as an evidence-based, peer reviewed adjunct treatment, but also the subject of a recent study by Emory University, which shows how effective it is. I see it every day in my practice. Proud to do this work and be able to support our vets! See the highlights from the article below and the full article here, or click on the picture above.

“Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a sizeable issue in the United States military, affecting approximately 20 percent of all Veterans. Among women, the primary cause of PTSD is sexual abuse or harassment by colleagues while on active service—and it is common. Research suggests as many as one in four servicewomen experiences sexual assault, while more than half are victims of sexual harassment.

Until now, the standard treatment for female Veterans with PTSD has been cognitive processing therapy (CPT), a science-based approach that teaches patients practical tactics to help challenge or neutralize negative thoughts tied to their trauma. Seen as the “gold standard,” in PTSD treatment by the Department of Defense and the Veterans Heath Administration, CPT has its merits, but also flaws. Researchers find more than half of female Veterans enrolled in government-backed CPT programs drop out of treatment. Half of those who complete treatment report continued PTSD symptoms.

The early results tell a clear story. Working with colleagues from Emory University and the Atlanta Veteran Associate Health Care System, Kelly has found empirical evidence yoga can be just as effective as CPT in the treatment of PTSD.

Not only that, the study shows TCTSY delivers positive results considerably faster than cognitive therapy; and that more than 60 percent of patients are seeing the treatment through to completion compared to just 34 percent of those in cognitive therapy programs.”

/by