I recently had a session with a strong woman whose soul had all the answers but still felt stuck. Maybe we can all relate to experiences like that, or one experience when we didn’t realize our self worth. Or if we did, we put it on the back burner because other needs were asking for our attention: validation, care, attention, love. And for that reason we kept going back to the person or the circumstances which hurt us. 

Self-worth is the secure grownup who says I love myself and I’m showing you my boundaries. If you want to come into my sphere, you need to respect me and my boundaries. That’s the space where we can care for each other, be true to ourselves, and share trust and affection. 

The need for validation, care, attention, love comes from the inner child whose needs were not met, who was neglected or received conditional love. In time, this child learned that they have to fight for their affection, attention, or for a kind word. That if they only did this one thing, then this other person would love them more. And these gifts of attention were so inconsistent that when they receive them, even as an adult, they devoured them like the hungry belly which doesn’t know when the next meal is going to show up. 

There’s a way for the inner child to become the secure adult and it starts with the ability to pause and notice that passing thought that says “this doesn’t feel right”! That’s the glimmer you need, that’s the inner child knowing that they were born perfect, that they are an earthly expression of the divine, and that while they are hungry and accepting the crumbs of affection right now, there might be a different way. Let’s start with “what if…” What if there was a different way? What if I ask for more? What if I love myself first? What if I am enough? 

Doing inner child work and integrating our childhood experiences open the door for the secure adult to emerge.