Years ago someone called me an empath. I was like “what is that?!” Back then, it wasn’t a mainstream term. Even as I am typing this, my computer still insists on automatically changing “empath” to “empathy”. All I could find at the time was that an empath was a sensitive person. OK, I had been told I was “sensitive” and “too sensitive” since I can remember…so? Then I learned that an empath was someone who could easily feel other people’s emotions. Ohhhh…
For a while, I felt special and validated that someone called me an empath. All those times when I felt bad about being called sensitive like it was a bad thing. Now look at me, I could feel someone else’s feelings, sometimes before they could even make sense of them themselves. How do you like me now? I thought. But it’s not all as glamorous as it seems to be.
Empaths make really good teachers, nurses, therapists…you get the idea, the caregiver type. So what do caregivers usually do? They take care of everyone else, put the needs of others first, take on everyone else’s problems, sometimes to the point of burning out.
My husband asked me the other day whether someone is born an empath. As much as I would like to give the credit to the Universe for this ability, most empaths – and I say most because I don’t like to generalize although my personal belief is that this is true for all empaths – have suffered trauma, especially childhood trauma.
When you experience trauma at a young age, your survival depends on your ability to stay safe. For that to happen you learn to recognize very quickly any sign of danger. Your brain is constantly scanning for any deviation from the baseline: a change in the caregiver’s tone of voice, how heavy the footsteps are, how fast someone is walking, what words they say or not say, any movement in their eyes or whether someone speaks or not etc. That’s how you decide how to respond to the situation in a way that ensures your safety.
Just like any other skill, after years of practice, you become really good at it. And you take this skill with you into adulthood. People will come to you to tell you their life’s story or to get advice. Also, you might draw narcissists into your life because…well, darkness cannot exist without light.
If you think or know that you are an empath, then you probably also like being close to the water. Water purifies and clears the extra energy that you carry. If you don’t live close to a beach (and let’s face it most of us don’t) then I recommend showers to release the stress and energy you don’t need. Place your hands on the ground. Walk barefoot outside. Hug a tree (c’mon it’s a thing now, no one will make fun of you!) Spend time in nature or with animals. Watch movies that make you laugh.
In a word, take care of yourself first.
Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash