Our self-worth and the need for validation

I recently had a session with a strong woman whose soul had all the answers but still felt stuck. Maybe we can all relate to experiences like that, or one experience when we didn’t realize our self worth. Or if we did, we put it on the back burner because other needs were asking for our attention: validation, care, attention, love. And for that reason we kept going back to the person or the circumstances which hurt us. 

Self-worth is the secure grownup who says I love myself and I’m showing you my boundaries. If you want to come into my sphere, you need to respect me and my boundaries. That’s the space where we can care for each other, be true to ourselves, and share trust and affection. 

The need for validation, care, attention, love comes from the inner child whose needs were not met, who was neglected or received conditional love. In time, this child learned that they have to fight for their affection, attention, or for a kind word. That if they only did this one thing, then this other person would love them more. And these gifts of attention were so inconsistent that when they receive them, even as an adult, they devoured them like the hungry belly which doesn’t know when the next meal is going to show up. 

There’s a way for the inner child to become the secure adult and it starts with the ability to pause and notice that passing thought that says “this doesn’t feel right”! That’s the glimmer you need, that’s the inner child knowing that they were born perfect, that they are an earthly expression of the divine, and that while they are hungry and accepting the crumbs of affection right now, there might be a different way. Let’s start with “what if…” What if there was a different way? What if I ask for more? What if I love myself first? What if I am enough? 

Doing inner child work and integrating our childhood experiences open the door for the secure adult to emerge.

/by

Half-Day Training: Intro to Trauma-Sensitive Yoga

Half-Day Training: Intro to Trauma-Sensitive Yoga, Saturday March 20th at 8am PST (Los Angeles) / 11am EST (New York) / 3pm GMT (London)

Half day Trauma Sensitive Yoga Training.png

Some of you have been asking about this training. This is a half-day training for yoga teachers, therapists, healthcare and other wellness practitioners, survivors, or anyone working with trauma survivors. You do not have to be a yoga teacher to attend this. At this time, the training is virtual.

The training covers:

  • Trauma theory to understand the impact of trauma on the body and mind.

  • Elements of trauma-sensitive care (including yoga) and how to incorporate them into your practice/work.

  • A full trauma-sensitive yoga practice to experience it for yourself and learn how movement and language may be included in your trauma-sensitive care work

  • Reflection time and discussion

Learn more here….

/by

We never know how high we are till we are called to rise

This time of the year we usually do a recap of what has happened this year, maybe our accomplishments or our dreams, etc. But this has been one heck of a year, hasn’t it?

We have all been affected by it, so in that regard, we are all in the same boat. Yes, perhaps you have heard that before. And yet, everyone has been affected differently, depending on our resources, financial, emotional, and physical. 

“We never know how high we are
Till we are called to rise;
And then, if we are true to plan,
Our statures touch the skies – “
Emily Dickinson

Even though these words were written in 1800’s, to me they never sounded more current and relevant than now. We’ve all been asked to dig deeper this year, so it’s possible to feel a bit depleted. A bit “over it“. However, if you are doing an inventory of 2020 and setting intentions for 2021, maybe consider this invitation to reflect on your “stature” this year.

We never choose to go through unpleasant experiences. If someone asked you if you wanted to grow spiritually or become stronger, or more resilient, you’d probably say, “yeah, that would be useful”. But then if you were told that you’d have to go through a situation that will test your patience, your limit, and deplete your resources in order to expand, maybe you’d say “no thanks!” 

Almost nine years ago I experienced one of the most difficult losses of my life and the circumstances made it even more difficult. I felt like I was spinning, losing control, and I remember the pain of my grief being so unbearable that one day I literally felt that I couldn’t breathe anymore. I was on the floor, in my home office, and was not able to move. At that moment, I thought that I was never going to be able to move again. 

What I didn’t realize at the time was that in that moment I was both dying and rebirthing. I had to fall to the ground, literally, in order to shed my shell and start growing. That experience wasn’t something I wished for and yet, now that I am on the other side of it, I am grateful for the lessons that it brought to me. I am not saying that I am grateful that it had to happen that way, I don’t think anyone wants to go through hardship, but I am grateful for my lessons, because without this experience and everything that I learned going through it, I would not be who I am today. 

I learned that I am stronger than I ever thought I could possibly be, and also that I am never alone, not even in that experience. Whatever experience you may be going through or have been going through, while it is unique to you, there’s always someone that can help or that can relate to it. So find that someone.

So now, as you are reflecting on this one-heck-of-a year, do you see how you’ve grown? How much stronger you are? How much more resilient you are? “We never know how high we are till we are called to rise;”

Thank you to everyone who has worked with me this past year, everyone who reads these notes from the heart, and I wish you all a healthy new year!

/by

NEW COURSE: How to Make Your Practice Trauma-Sensitive

How to Make Your Practice Trauma-Sensitive.png

We created How to Make Your Practice Trauma-Sensitive, based on our experience as practitioners trained in trauma and working with trauma survivors. We think that this work is so important now more than ever, and we want to support other practitioners and organizations in their mission to help trauma survivors, by offering practical tools that can be applied instantly.

We start with trauma theory and then go into what makes a practice trauma-sensitive. Everything from the recovery process and establishing safety, to language, environment, and how to support your clients when they get triggered.

If this sounds like something you would benefit from, please check out the course page for details. Pre-orders get 20% off with code “trauma-sensitive” until 12/7.

We hope you find it helpful and if you have questions, we are here for you! Also, if you know anyone who could benefit from this, feel free to share with them. Or if we can speak at your organization, event, or podcast, let us know. We love this work and more than that we want to support other practitioners and organizations to do it, so help us spread the word!

/by

Beaver Moon 2020

Full Moon Winter.png

Did you feel the effects of the full moon this week? This is the moon that marks a shift in the seasons and our tendency to go more inward, to reflect, to hibernate, etc. Add a penumbral eclipse to this and you’ve got all the energies moving around. For our benefit, they say.

If you are feeling something shifting or have felt it these past few days, then there’s no better time than to pause and reflect and see what that means for you.

For me, it was about communication, about reflecting on my own doubts and fears, and also what was/is holding me back. The full moon is usually a reminder to let go of something – what we thought we needed or wanted, old beliefs, habits etc – in order to make room for something new, or to hold on to what has been working for us. It’s the peak of the (lunar) month, the peak of the work we’ve been doing since the new moon.

To find out the answer, though, we need to turn down our mind chatter. To sit, to draw, to pray, to meditate, to walk… you name your own preferred way to be present, and then the answer will show up.

So, what do you want to hold on to?

/by

Self-Care Lessons I Learned from a Puppy

Puppy.png

Yes, we have a new family member…Meet Qi (or Chi), sometimes called Chewie for reasons you can probably suspect.

This little fur ball joined our family a few weeks ago and changed everything! That cute face can make anyone let their guard down and forget that you need to be the one setting the tone in the house.

They say that when the student is ready the teacher will appear. I can’t say that I was ready, but I definitely learned some lessons quickly.

Lesson 1: Prioritize sleep!
It’s been a while since we had a baby in the house so I forgot how important sleep is for us. We had to shift our schedule around and prioritize sleep for everyone, so that we can be resourced enough for the next day. Getting enough sleep is the different between a “bad day” where any interaction is a trigger, not to mention additional stress and calories (did you know that when you sleep less than what you need, you tend to eat 500 calories more a day? Also, sleeping 5 hours a night has the same effect on the brain as being drunk?) and a day when you feel resourced enough to handle life.

Lesson 2: Establish boundaries
Oh, how many times did you find yourself in a situation – whether attending an event you didn’t have the energy for or helping someone when you were depleted – because you had a hard time saying ‘no’? Well, having a puppy – yes, even a cute one like this one – definitely challenged my ability to establish boundaries. To a puppy, ‘no’ means nothing at first until you make it clear that it actually means what you said.

Lesson 3: Be short, clear, and firm
Part of establishing boundaries is being short, clear, and firm. But first, you need to know your limit, check in with yourself to understand what you need, and then saying it clearly and firmly, while keeping it short, with no need to over-explain. Keep the focus on yourself by stating what is true for you. Remember that event you did not want to attend? Next time, you can say “I appreciate the invitation and it sounds great, but right now I need some time for myself.” Short, clear, and firm.

Lesson 4: Practice, practice, practice
This is pretty self explanatory, but sometimes we can be tough on ourselves when we don’t do it “right”. The point is not to do it right, but to practice. Any skill takes time. At first it might feel awkward and then, it can feel empowering.

My learning continues…and so does my work. Next week, I’ll share some news! In the meantime, take care of yourselves and please reach out if you need support!

/by

Resources: Study – Nature-Based and Traditional Preschoolers are Equally Prepared for Kindergarten

All parents want the same thing: they want their kids to be okay! That means different things for everyone. “Okay“ may mean be respectful, know your letters, be ready for school so you are not behind… It’s one of the questions or concerns we hear most from parents: If my kid is playing in the woods, is he/she learning anything? Is my kid going to be ready for school? So, here’s a study published recently in The International Journal of Early Childhood Environmental Education, which looks at whether kids who attend nature-based schools are ready for kindergarten compared to their peers in traditional schools. What do you think is the answer? Here’s the link to read the full study.

https://naturalstart.org/sites/default/files/journal/5._cordiano_et_al._formatted_draft_v4.docx_.pdf

/by

You Don’t Like to Meditate. How about Sound Mapping?

Happy foggy Saturday! Let’s talk about meditation. Or, alternatives to it. A lot of times, that word comes with a lot of expectations. We have an idea probably coming from the stock images of someone sitting cross-legged in a beautiful, serene environment, with their eyes closed and a smile on their face which says “do this, and you too can smile like me. That’s all you need to do.” We look at that and think “jeez, I can’t do that.”

 

 

Well, that may be the standard of meditation for some. For me, it looks different. I’ve always had a hard time sitting. I blamed my implementer mind for a while. And I thought I couldn’t meditate. But I like movement, so yoga became my moving meditation. Then, when I went through my trauma-sensitive yoga training (TCTSY), there was a lot of emphasis on interoception, i.e. sensing the internal state of your body, a.k.a tuning in. That’s probably why I fell in love with the practice of TCTSY! After a session like that, I feel recharged. But I digress…

So coming back to moving meditation. If you’re like me and you can’t sit still, this might be an alternative for you. And there are more like that:🚶🏻‍♀️Walking 

🏃🏻‍♀️Running

✏️ Doodling/coloring/journaling 

💃 Dance (dance yoga, ecstatic dance) 

🐎 Riding horses 

🏊‍♀️ Swimming

Anything that gets you in touch with your Self. 

Time! Oh, time is interesting…it feels like we never have enough of it. But what if we reframe it to say that time is all we have. It’s our most import currency. We trade time for everything. So, could we trade time for our Self? 

We’ll put a pin in that for now and let’s just say you only have 5 min, you don’t like to sit with you eyes closed and hum, and you know what, you don’t even like to focus on your self, not today. But you’d like to try meditation. I hear you! Okay, then here’s something that you could try: a sound map. 

My favorite time of the day is before everyone wakes up. That’s because that’s when it’s the most quiet. I’m not a morning person, but thanks to jet lag, I woke up at 6am today and stepped outside with a piece of paper and a pencil. I sat on the front steps and drew an “X marks the spot” in the middle of the page. That’s where I was. Then for the next 5 min I paid attention to the sounds around me and marked them where I thought they came from. No fancy drawing, just stick figures. I heard (lots) of crows, a blue jay, cardinals, cars, my neighbor’s AC unit… It helped me get in touch with the nature around me, especially after being away for a while. 

 

Sound Map.jpg

 

And then, guess what happened. My kiddo came and she wanted to participate. So she did the same thing for about 2 min. But then she upped the ante and on her own, she decided to add what she saw. And then, she decided to add to this map what she was thinking about. It started as an exercise of connection with nature and re-entry into our environment and it ended up being an opportunity for connection with my kid. 

For us, it turned into over an hour of being outside before we even had breakfast! So, I’m sharing this with you, if you want to give it a try. If you do, I’d love to hear from you. 

/by

How Yoga Might Benefit Your Family

You probably already heard that we are offering a Family Yoga series which starts on Aug 9th, from 10-10:45am, so I wanted to share with you some of the reasons why I chose to offer this class. As a yoga teacher, I love working with kids, beginner/intermediate adults, and people affected by trauma. Family yoga for me is a combination of kids and adult classes, with the main benefit being that we do serious work without taking ourselves too seriously! I have also seen first hand how doing yoga together as a family brings a lot of joy! And not only!

1. Family yoga is time to connect as a family. Many of us are soooo scheduled! Between work, and school, and extra-curricular activities, and chores, and other responsibilities and obligations, there is little time left to connect. We might be able to schedule a vacation or a weekend away, but putting off connection constantly actually makes it harder to connect when we do have the time. Family yoga can help with that because it is full of interaction, without pressure. Depending on your family, it may also count as your workout and extra-curricular activity, or PE.

2. Family yoga is full of flexibility. Am I talking about physical flexibility? Not really, although that’s great, if it’s there too. But not all of us are flexible. My hamstrings and I are in a constant argument about that, but that’s another story! The flexibility I am talking about is the freedom on the part of the parents to let the kids explore. There is no pressure in class for the kids to do the poses that we offer. There is no pressure in class for the parents or the kids to feel like there is an end goal or a “final product“ that we have to show by the end of class. Even when kids sit on the sidelines looking like they are not engaged, they still hear everything that is going on! Some kids, especially younger ones, may take a bit more before they want to participate. But regardless of the age, they always learn, just by being there. Letting them take their time is very important and beneficial for the relationship, as it avoids struggle.

3. Family yoga shows kids that parents are not perfect (WHAT?!) Now, believe it or not, most if not all kids think their parents are perfect! That they know everything! That they can do everything! Which may sound like a great idea. And to some, it is actually a very comforting idea. However, whether we realize or not, it is also an idea that creates pressure on the kids to be just as perfect as their parents, because we are their heroes! Guess what? In yoga, no one is perfect, not even the teacher (gasp!). We fall out of our poses, we may not be able to do all the poses “perfectly“ – whatever that means – and you know what?! THAT is perfect! Because we get to shed that idea for ourselves, as adults, but we also show our kids that we all make mistakes, we all learn, we are all a work in progress!

4. Family yoga is play and serious work. George Bernard Shaw said that “We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” We’re all about play here at Nature Playschool! But sometimes, play gets a bad rep, especially when you’re a grown up. Guess what, adults need to play too! Just like with kids, when we play, we relieve stress, our cortisol level goes down, we are more creative and if we happen to go through a stressful time in our lives or are just overworked, feeling stuck, [fill in the blanks], play allows us to take a step back from whatever situation we are dealing with, so that we can see it from a different perspective. Family yoga is an opportunity to play, while seriously working on your wellness!

5. Family yoga is time for the grown up as much as it is for the kid(s). Have you ever stop to count how many hats you are wearing on any given day? We do a lot for our kids, for our family, for our neighbors, community…should I go on? And that is an admirable thing! But, how often do you leave yourself off the list of people we take care of. You know what they say, put your oxygen mask on first! If we don’t take care of ourselves and fill up our self-care cup, we are not able to take care of others. Sometimes, it is hard to carve that time for yourself and I get it! I have a hard time too. Family yoga is one way to combine both, self-care and time with kids.

6. Family yoga is support for your family members. Huh? Yeah, we are sneaky like that because putting aside the play aspect, connection, and all the other benefits, at the end of the day, yoga is a practice which supports our wellbeing and development. Through yoga, we get to improve our balance, flexibility, strength, which are important for our bodies, whether kids or grownups.

7. Family yoga takes the pressure off the parents. A lot of times parents feel the pressure to organize an event or activity for the kids, to lead it, to make sure they have a good time. There’s the search for the what, and then the how, and the list of supplies. Not all of us are Pinterest parents, I am certainly not one of them, as much as sometimes I like to think I am. With family yoga, you don’t have to worry about that. We take care of everything: the what, the how, the list of supplies and more! You just have to show up.

8. Family yoga makes parents learners and kids teachers. This one might be one of my faves! Sometimes kids, especially younger ones, need to take the lead and feel like they have some control over what is going on in their lives. Family yoga is one of those times when they get to do it! It also fosters confidence and creativity. Also, at times, our kids will show us different ways to do the same thing, because they look at everything with fresh eyes and they are not yet as conditioned as we are.

9. Family yoga is inspiring. Inspiring is a pretty big word! Maybe even intimidating a bit? It may be, but I believe it is an accurate description. I have seen kids use some of the breathing techniques we do and use it at home, sometimes even teaching their parents. I have also seen kids literally say that they want to be teachers when they grow up. I have seen kids take the lead and make up their own yoga poses. Other kids have been so impressed by the crystal singing bowl and how the sound is made, that they have decided to research it. There are also parents who enjoy playing yoga with their kids that they have incorporated some of the games into their home routine. How is that for inspiration?

10. Family yoga brings more play into the family. Families who play together, stay together, right? We talked about the importance of play for adults and for kids, but when you combine both, that’s where the magic happens. Yoga is one activity, but if you find any activity that the entire family enjoys, then it’s a winner! It helps bring the family together, helps with connection, and kids tend to open up and share more after a time of connection, especially older kids who may be going through a phase when they tend to keep things to themselves.

So, are you ready to come play? We are!

/by

Resources: Article – “Nature RX: The Best Medicine” by John LaPuma, MD

Sharing a wonderful article by John LaPuma, MD and board certified doctor of internal medicine, outlining the benefits of nature, beyond what we already know.

Highlights:

“One patient, a friend of Sacks’, had moderately severe Tourette’s syndrome. The condition forced hundreds of grunts and tics daily. But one day when the two men were hiking in a desert, his friend’s tics had completely disappeared. Sacks wrote that “the remoteness and uncrowdedness of the scene, combined with some ineffable calming effect of nature, served to defuse his ticcing, to “normalize” his neurological state, at least for a time.”

Another patient, a woman with moderately severe Parkinson’s disease, was frozen and immobile when indoors. But outside, she was mobile and agile on terrain, in a rocky garden.”

“Kids with ADHD concentrate better after walking in a park rather than downtown or in a neighborhood. The improvement is as if they have been given extended-release methylphenidate (which is a stimulant medication used to treat ADHD and sold under the trade name Ritalin, among others).”

Read the FULL article. It’s worth it!

/by