“We’re all just walking each other home”

Watercolor inspired by the bird I met this weekend. 

I had one of the most humbling and connecting experiences of my life the other day. A bird flew into the room and was struggling to get out. In our attempt to help, it flew into the window and knocked itself out. We picked it up and brought it outside to lay it on the ground. 

I felt compelled to stay there not really having a plan or knowing what else to do. It looked like maybe one of the legs was twisted somehow… I didn’t want a cat to eat it so I stayed there with it. The bird was not alert, the breathing looked like slow panting and…the only thing that I could think of was to do some Reiki. 

Many people ask me about Reiki and for me, the most important thing, more than the symbols even, are presence and intention. Reiki is a universal energy that’s available to everyone, not only select people.

So while I sat there for about 5-7 minutes, being an instrument and allowing the energy to go through me, I noticed the bird getting more alert. The eyes started to move and focus (at least that’s what it looked like to me) and then it started to move it’s head. I put my hands down and turned my head to see if there was any water around. 

At that point, I heard a flutter. The bird flew away! Not to the nearby fence, but away, over the trees! I was so surprised how quickly it went from being lifeless to being able to fly and I was happy that it was healthy enough to fly. 

It was a beautiful moment of connection with the more than human world and it reminded me of Ram Dass’ quote: “We are all just walking each other home”! To me it means that we are all connected. We all impact each other. The question is how? How do you want to impact those around you? And how do you allow others to impact you? 

Who are the people that we walk alongside with on our path to home? 

I will end with the words of Elphaba (in Wicked) because the people who are walking us home are not only our close friends but also those who are helping us learn a lesson.

“…people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow.”

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Are you looking for certainty?

Photo by Shantanu Kulkarni

Often times we hear that all we have is now. The past is in the past, the future is not yet here. And yet, trauma or not, it is hard to be in the now. Understandably so, because there are so many things vying for our time and attention. 

Also, if we are attached to an outcome or consumed by fear, we are looking for certainty, so being “in the now”, especially nowadays, can be very unsettling because we are not getting what we are looking for. 

In reality though, the only thing that is certain is the present moment. We don’t know what the future brings and we can’t connect the dots in the future; we can only do that by looking back. 

The story below is from Ram Dass. It is one of my favorite stories because it shows how the context can change and provide meaning when you look back, so all we can do is be present with what is. That’s where the certainty lies. 

It’s the same with trauma and chronic illness. We might feel like we can’t control some of the circumstances we find ourselves in. What we can control though is how we respond to the situation: by knowing that we can handle it in the “now” and not letting the moment or the situation take our power away. 

Sometimes “handling it” means we need to move, or step away from a conversation or the news. Or we ask for support. Whatever it is, we are the ones making the decision about the next step, as opposed to the situation dictating it. 

“There is a story of a farmer who had a horse that ran away.
His neighbor came by and said, “Oh, that’s terrible.”
The farmer said, “You never know.”

The next day the horse came back, and it was leading two other wild horses. The neighbor said, “That’s wonderful.”
And the farmer said, “You never know.”

Later, his son was training one of the wild horses, and while riding the wild horse, he fell off and broke his leg. The neighbor came by and said, “That’s terrible.”
The farmer said, “You never know.”

The Cossack army came through recruiting everybody, taking away all the able young men. They didn’t take the farmer’s son because he had a broken leg. The neighbor came by and said, “That’s wonderful.”
And the farmer said, “You never know.”

And so it goes.”

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Have you ever been called “sensitive”?

Connection with water.jpg

Years ago someone called me an empath. I was like “what is that?!” Back then, it wasn’t a mainstream term. Even as I am typing this, my computer still insists on automatically changing “empath” to “empathy”. All I could find at the time was that an empath was a sensitive person. OK, I had been told I was “sensitive” and “too sensitive” since I can remember…so? Then I learned that an empath was someone who could easily feel other people’s emotions. Ohhhh…

For a while, I felt special and validated that someone called me an empath. All those times when I felt bad about being called sensitive like it was a bad thing. Now look at me, I could feel someone else’s feelings, sometimes before they could even make sense of them themselves. How do you like me now? I thought. But it’s not all as glamorous as it seems to be. 

Empaths make really good teachers, nurses, therapists…you get the idea, the caregiver type. So what do caregivers usually do? They take care of everyone else, put the needs of others first, take on everyone else’s problems, sometimes to the point of burning out. 

My husband asked me the other day whether someone is born an empath. As much as I would like to give the credit to the Universe for this ability, most empaths – and I say most because I don’t like to generalize although my personal belief is that this is true for all empaths – have suffered trauma, especially childhood trauma.

When you experience trauma at a young age, your survival depends on your ability to stay safe. For that to happen you learn to recognize very quickly any sign of danger. Your brain is constantly scanning for any deviation from the baseline: a change in the caregiver’s tone of voice, how heavy the footsteps are, how fast someone is walking, what words they say or not say, any movement in their eyes or whether someone speaks or not etc. That’s how you decide how to respond to the situation in a way that ensures your safety.

Just like any other skill, after years of practice, you become really good at it. And you take this skill with you into adulthood. People will come to you to tell you their life’s story or to get advice. Also, you might draw narcissists into your life because…well, darkness cannot exist without light.

If you think or know that you are an empath, then you probably also like being close to the water. Water purifies and clears the extra energy that you carry. If you don’t live close to a beach (and let’s face it most of us don’t) then I recommend showers to release the stress and energy you don’t need. Place your hands on the ground. Walk barefoot outside. Hug a tree (c’mon it’s a thing now, no one will make fun of you!) Spend time in nature or with animals. Watch movies that make you laugh.

In a word, take care of yourself first.

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

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